November 25th, 2002


I have ambition, damnit!

I do, I really do. Don't even tell me I don't. I'm not corrupted by the view that if you don't get an amazing job making lots of money that you've become a failure in life. Life isn't about occupation and wealth, it's about enjoying the company of others as much as possible because quite frankly we're all going to die and that just screws up relationships like no other.


I'm the loser kid right now, I guess. Not going to school, working a job that doesn't pay all that well, sitting around playing guitar. I guess that classifies me as a loser but I certaintly don't feel like one.


That's my life. That's what I want to do. That's what I want to wrap myself in and never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever come unwrapped. I'm trying, I'm trying real hard. It takes sacrifice. I'd sacrifice anything to make it with my band or any band for that matter. I'm trying!

I'm more than willing to live in a ghetto apartment working weird hours and not having cable just to work on my dream. It's me. I enjoy it. I love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

ambition: 1 a : an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power b : desire to achieve a particular end

I don't want rank, I don't want power, and I really don't want fame. I guess in category a, I have no ambition. But category b, that's me. What particular end is this? Ends! To be nice to people, to be friendly, to gain and master responsibility, to pay the bills, to learn new things, to open my mind up and see the world for what it really is. A bunch of people who've succumbed to a way of thinking best described as "go to school, go to work, retire, die". DAMN YOU ALL!

I have ambition. I have the ambition to hate everyone.

I'm a walking contradiction.

comfort finds me in your arms

Well I'm at it (see last post) I might as well continue to burn calories via the keyboard.

-Beck's new album
-My car
-Mat Marin
-Led Zeppelin
-Weekend Edition

-New Found Glory
-Akward silence
-Meeting new people
-Lack of work ethic