April 1st, 2004


American Empire

In this stay at my parents house I have been treated to the presence of an easily-accessible computer. During this time I have downloaded a presidential simulator computer game and I have been implementing my policies since Sunday afternoon. I've decided to follow course with our current president and build an oil-based empire. I've invaded Iraq and it is now and official American territory. Libya did not seem to enjoy my liberal use of force and funded a terrorist attack against my nation. I've been bombing them since as well as funding their local rebels forces for an coup. I'd move to invade them sooner if it weren't for the fact that my troops are massing on the border of Syria and we are going to enter soon. I've worked it out so that Israel will be assisting me with their own army as well. To show my gratitude I've not only raised their conventional weapons foreign aid, but I am now funding part of their nuclear weapons program. Syria truly is not a great oil-producing power but they are a thorn in my side and my troops are anxious for action. Iran will be next and eventually I will betray the Saudis and place American flags all throughout Mecca.

On the home front I am popular. My domestic policy includes cutting income taxes and increased funding for social programs. Amazingly, I'm doing this while running a two billion dollar SURPLUS. How can I afford this, you ask? Iraq's oil money...which is now mine.

*evil laugh*