April 2nd, 2004


The Sorrows of Empire

My empire! My glorius empire!

Oh the sorrow. Oh the loss of life. Oh the impeachment! Can you believe that? My congress impeached me! I am an angry ex-president. I am Nixon times ten!

My invasion of Syria was going swimmingly until Mother Russia decided to attack Syria WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS, wiping out 645,000 of my invading soldiers! I can't quite recall what happened next but before it was over a FOUR WAY NUCLEAR WAR had started between the United States, Israel, Russia and the FRENCH. Of all the people to get involved; the french! They impulsively launched missles at me and Russia! Just for the sheer joy of it! ARRRR. I had so much going in my favor. I even managed to survive three assasination attempts before congress extinguished my presidency.

Is there a moral to this story? Don't fight a land war in Syria? The french stab your back with nuclear-tipped missiles? Don't let me be president....ever?

Thank you, goodnight, and may God bless America.