February 7th, 2006



Monday 4:15pm –
I am living in such a bright sun. The air is filled with cold and everything is so sharply defined. Everything seems real. I am searching for Him and I think of our existence and I think about the types of Justice we attribute to the I AM. Am I ceasing to exist or am I merely guilty? All my questions suddenly disappear with one sentence: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

We must thank Him for what we do not know.

Monday 5:30pm-
I sip coffee and read the writings of Church Fathers. Tradition is not the dead faith of the living, but the living faith of the dead, as Pelikan once wrote. I read Turgenev and in his pages I find love and embarrassment and obscure Russian politics I know nothing of – but oh I am curious!

Monday 7:00pm and beyond-
It is only one bus to home and I enter to find soup and an entire household of people waiting for me. I spend time in front of a little candle, praying and looking up at icons from time to time. I spend time with Jason outside in the cold, speaking of words and opinions and the difficulties that occur when someone begins to believe something. We smoke cloves.

More words are read: a defense of monasticism and good deeds in a critique of Luther’s theology; a declaration of man’s ontological freedom. What does it mean? Maybe it’s absolutely meaningless and maybe it is the very truth that holds life together.

Somewhere in the distance, life ROARS.